Sex and the Pakistani Woman
Scene One:
A group of well-heeled, sophisticated young adults are at a party, thrown by the host to celebrate her upcoming winter wedding. Strains of Nelly Furtado’s hit song ‘Promiscuous’ reverberate from the DJ’s sound system into the night. The women, frosted up in diamonds and dressed to impress, groove to the beat, sip margaritas at the well-stocked bar, and discuss a range of superficial topics (or perhaps a range of topics superficially) … a socialite’s unflattering makeover, whether the Dubai default will cause prêt prices to fall, and if President Zardari can hold on to power for long.
In a quieter corner sits an all-female quarter, aged between 25 and 40. One of them talks about a recent sex survey undertaken by an Indian magazine. “It’s called ‘The Fantasy Report’” she says, “and it’s about sexual fantasies. They do one every year, in collaboration with a local NGO. Last year’s survey talked about under-age sex, sex with prostitutes and eunuchs, kinky sex, adultery, incest, homosexuality, preferences, favourite positions, attitudes towards role-playing and other sexual activities. I wonder what the findings would be if they could do one in Pakistan ?”
A friend interjects, “The mullahs would spontaneously combust! Have you forgotten what happened to that poor girl who was flogged in public in Swat. Can you imagine what would happen to anyone who talked about sex in a public domain!”
“But we have,” says another, “when the hit theatre play, The Vagina Monologues, was staged in Pakistan a few years ago.”
“That trashy show?” says a fourth lady, “I didn’t see it. My husband said he’d break my legs if I was seen there! But I did read somewhere that a woman was charged with sexually immoral behaviour at least three times a day in Pakistan. Isn’t that funny?”
Their fifth companion, who had earlier been eagerly gossiping about a mutual friend’s rocky marriage, fidgets uncomfortably. Despite the fact that she is her husband’s second wife, and that she has four children – only two of which she had actually wanted – she cannot, in good conscience, bear to listen to this “immoral” conversation. Her ustani at the Quran class she had recently attended warned her to not talk publicly about shameful things…
Scene Two:
A 12-year-old girl, Asifa, sits with her mother, her sister and her sister-in-law – all of whom are eagerly tuned in to Star Plus’ latest hit soap. The beautiful heroine on TV is plotting how to woo her husband back from the evil seductions of her stepsister, who is pregnant with her boyfriend’s love child, and is cleverly pinning the paternity on her husband. Asifa’s stomach starts to hurt, she suddenly gets severe cramps and is forced to retire to her bedroom. She thinks she is about to faint in pain, it is so intense. Her clothes are stained with red, she thinks she is about to die, what on earth is happening to her? She is about to call her mother, but thinks better of it. Perhaps her friend Anum can help; she picks up the phone and starts to dial …
Scene Three:
The setting is a low-income katchi abadi in Karachi. Six-year-old Sara wakes up in the middle of the night. Her mother is not lying on the floor next to her, as she usually does. She is on her father’s bed, being beaten up, or so she thinks. Ten-year-old Hafsa is also watching, one eye closed. Why, she wonders, is her mother being hurt, and why does she voluntarily go to the charpoy? When both Hafsa and Sara wake in the morning, their mother is sleeping right next to them on the floor. Neither of them dare ask her if she is alright; she seems perfectly normal, as she always does.
Three very different groups and lifestyles coexist in urban Pakistan. The first scene is a shot of society’s liberal elite, the second describes a common evening in a middle-class household and the third is set within Azam Basti. All three groups speak different languages, the first English, the second Urdu and the third Katchi. All three live completely different lives – they attend different schools, dress differently, practice distinctively different moral policies and philosophies. All three, however, have one thing in common – the same outlook when it comes to what, in Pakistan, is still the one taboo topic of discussion: sex and women.
“Pakistani women should remember that they are Muslim, and Muslim women do not talk about intimate affairs, unless it’s in the privacy of their own homes. It’s shameful to talk about this topic openly,” remarked the lady at the party in scene one, but similar sentiments could have been expressed by any of the women from the other two backgrounds.
What makes sex in Pakistan such a taboo subject?
Is it the nation’s maulanas, the custodians of our morality, who continue to harp on the necessity of guarding women’s sexuality?
Ironically, a Google report published in 2006 ranked Pakistan number one globally as the place from which the maximum searches for the word ‘sex’ originated. Another report stated that a woman is raped almost every half an hour somewhere in Pakistan. According to interior ministry documents placed recently before the National Assembly, a staggering 7,546 women were raped in a mere 24-month span between 2007-2009, coming to a shocking rate of 314 rapes every month. The Punjab topped the list, with a total of 5,903 women reportedly raped. And these are just the official statistics. Newspapers abound with stories of ‘honour’ killings based loosely on rumoured sexual infidelity or promiscuity.
The opinions expressed in this article and the views shared by readers in the comment forum below do not necessarily reflect the editorial stance or policies of Newsline.
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Excellent article Shims. Very thought provoking.
A very well-versed article Miss Dawood. The ugliness of our society and the distorted form of “liberalism” prevalent in Pakistan, whelms one up in grief. We need change. We need agents for change. A revolution of thought has long been due.
Presently a student of Global Health at the University of Toronto, I plan to work on sexual health issues in Punjab this summer. I am currently looking for like minded individuals like yourself.
I read all of your words very attentively.
You picturised our society in a well manner way.
We need many changes in our society.
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