The Dumb Decade
Media is Free Conspiracy
The founding editor of Newsline, Razia Bhatti, once told this scribe: “The press is never free, only journalists can be free.” This was in the days of the old media and this scribe, being as lazy back then as he is now, was trying to get a quote from his own editor for a story for her own magazine. The quote didn’t make it to that story then, but see it has come handy here. Ms Bhatti’s words were prophetic. This decade has given rise to a breed of journalists who are not only free to speak what they think, they are free to speak in a language that is neither English, nor Urdu, neither Persian nor Pashto; it’s not even the language that they spoke in Mars Attacks! Some of these anchorpersons have not only bought their doctorates on the internet for a couple of hundred dollars, their rants are also generated by some computer software where programmers forgot to write the code for grammar, common sense and journalism 101.
But even badly programmed artificial life is capable of miracles, hence we got…
Zaid Hamid and Iqbal’s Pakistan
Zaid Hamid
The last time I saw Zaid Hamid on TV he was wearing a red beret and a very expensive fighter pilot’s jacket. My first thought was has he joined the NATO forces? You can’t really buy that jacket at Zamzama. The man looks like a cross between an effeminate Che Guevara and Hafiz Saeed on acid. If he didn’t exist we would have to invent him. After all, despite their collection of charming caps and pagris and come-hither smiles, Maulana Munawar Hassan and Maulana Fazl-ur-Rehman wouldn’t fit in with the look of a youth channel.
As far as his message about Iqbal ka Pakistan is concerned, we all know that we already live in His Pakistan. For those of you who don’t remember Iqbal, he is that dude in the textbooks who is always shown scratching his head and dreaming. He was obviously dreaming of Pakistan. We do live in Pakistan. Don’t we teach every child in our schools: tu shaheen hai, basera kar paharon ki chatanon mein. (You are an eagle and you must stay up in the mountains). Some of our brave boys are doing exactly that, living up in the mountains, only descending to the plains when they want to kidnap someone or blow up a bazaar or a mosque. Because when they were children we also taught them: shahadat hai matloob-o-maqsood momin.
These attacks, though, are always condemned by civil society but…
The Civil Society Conspiracy
Roedad Khan
Any society that allows Roedad Khan to be its member has to be a conspiracy, right?
The Conspiracy Against the Jamaat
The flag of Jamaat-e-Islami.
Here is a political party that rewrote our history, then rewrote our history books, then taught teachers how to teach our history, then rewrote our constitution and taught our journalists that quoting an ayat and hadith always clinches the argument. It also defeated communism, liberated Central Asia, almost liberated Kashmir, liberated Afghanistan many times over and what do they get in return? Indifference. Just when they thought their project was complete – and Pakistan has been nothing but a project for the Jamaat – they get sidelined. An upstart Saudi businessman and those tribals from the mountains and these Punjabi boys all decide that the Jamaat and its ilk are just not glam enough for them. From its past glory, the Jamaat has been reduced to the kind of wall chalking which may or may not reflect its inner turmoil but does confuse increasing number of football fans in this country. ‘Go America Go’ might work at a baseball fixture in Baltimore, but here young boys only shake their heads and say: But Americans don’t even know how to play soccer.
In this hour of their crisis we should hold their hands and remind them of something that Maulana Maudoodi might have said: The tomato ketchup is in Islam but Islam is not in the tomato ketchup.
The opinions expressed in this article and the views shared by readers in the comment forum below do not necessarily reflect the editorial stance or policies of Newsline.
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This has to be one of the most brilliant articles I have ever read. Hilarious and so true! And extra points for the Zizek reference.
Fantastic! Hanif, sir, you’re brilliant man! Loved the bit about Zaid Hamid-him being an effeminate Che Guavera and Hafiz Saeed on acid LOL
superb!
Love your writings!!!
Mr. Hanif, this is a phenomenal piece of writing! People like you give me hope for a better Pakistan!
One word. Bravo.
[...] rarely act to improve their lives. And for me this thinking is fatalistic and directly connected to the widespread misinterpretation of religion in the country. The poor thank Allah (swt) for whatever they have, consider themselves fortunate, [...]
[...] By Mohammed Hanif Newsline, Jan 24, 2010 How Maudoodi Revived Pakistani Cinema In a decade when the world fussed over slumdogs and swine flu, Pakistan’s proudest cultural achievement was a film called Khuda Ke Liye. [...]
Good points however what are the solutions? It is great to point out the problems in our society (which are in most countries anyways) and I am kind of sick and tired of people continuosly bragging about the issues in our society yet never present a solution. Misery LOVES company. Many people love to talk to about their problems and glorify it however never spend even an hour talking about the solution. In order to make Pakistan a better country we have to think about a solution rather than rambling on and on about the same problems.
I don’t disagree with the article or the blogger however I think it is not a great article because it doesn’t present any solutions. Good and Bad people are in every country. I am not saying do not highlight the issues, however also present the public with a solution. Where do we go from here? What is the blogger doing to improve Pakistani society? I will end it with this quote:
No matter who we are, we are creating an influence which is felt by others. They may not know us, but our respect for law, our attitude towards life, our enthusiasm or negativism are felt by others. We build or destroy society in our own way by how we live and think ~ Man of Steel and Velvet by Aubrey Andelin
Great observations
A piece I was not intending on reading but couldn’t stop once started. Loved it! At least something different from all the depressing articles published in the newspapers. Which reminds me of the fact that Pakistan is 8 points up in the corruption list!
Anyway, great work!
That is best. I only have a request that please please write in an easy way of english so that we the lay person can understand not only the words but also the style:)
I couldnt have said it better but alas how much of the population would even grasp a shred of the content of this article?
Trouble with Pakistan is the people who are sdmired the most are then ones talented with a verbal skill even if they are bereft of any intelectual ability..
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